how to support the victim – Read Article
Unfortunately we do not always know how to find the right words of encouragement but we feel that we are obliged to say anything. And that something is somehow ordered, Gather rag Do not be so About that how you can really support the victim says Alina Farkas.
There is a well-known thing that hurts me terribly. Driven to despair. Even among very decent people think that is very right to beat the victim in order that she was going, and ceased to be a victim.
Who has not heard stories of friends or read a blog in a matter of private women’s groups that that a woman say broken or badly hurt my husband? What reaction is considered to be the proper response is a modern and caring woman? Eager to inspire just beaten the woman, I would not have allowed so with a flow He wipes his feet on you And soon it will kill you all Think of your children It’s traumatic for them badly How could you let this happen? Why marry him? Where are your eyes? Throw it immediately How can so do not respect yourself ? Well, all in a similar spirit.
That is, the first woman stoned the house then she came for moral support and it broke a little girlfriend. Confirming once again that it really was. Rag a bad mother stupid weak limp well, in general everything for her and beat the house.
I once entered into a discussion with such a protector and advocate positions do not be a rag. Tried to tell you how hard sacrifice as she had little strength energy and self-belief. What we can not protect her from her husband but we can give it a bit of self-esteem to give a modicum of sympathy and love. Understanding that it not to be insulted and humiliated in any way. That her feelings and her decisions are important and they must be reckoned with. A proponent of the theory of chase him pissing rag otherwise you own nothing else as this is the rag troubled. He snorted. She said Well I could not even think what you believe that we must live with the perpetrators and to hold on to any pants Another said proudly I I do not understand these your syusi-Pusey. I a supporter of active practical support
I of course it seems that the active practical help this is not the curse, and so cursed and frightened man. Practical help it is for example to rent an apartment to the victim of violence to find her a job sitting with her children while she goes to interviews. Hire a lawyer. Go with her to the police to secure the beatings. Pay for her psychotherapy. In the end listen to her for hours months and even years without any hope of change. Even if it does not help her go then somehow facilitate her life.
Kick stop being a rag It did not help. Not active or passive. This is getting a double bonus to the victim first once you feel who is a fool a rag and a loser and who is clever and far-sighted Zainka which my husband loves and respects. Secondly you know that it helped instruct on the right path Dala perfect advice for who can object to it is impossible to live with the perpetrators? Here just the same. Situation wine-tasting. Only one person for the advisor.
Usually, the victims realize that people can not be beat and humiliate. Well movies watched read books. Just it seems to them that they are-stupid-slanting curves, ugly and wrong that they are beaten. Well because it is normal can not be beat. And they perhaps possible. And yet it is they have made Because there are millions of normal women in the world which is not allowed. And they are yes. And therefore we must somehow try harder perky whistle jump higher to become that woman you do not beat. And my husband here as though not being. After this she made. She nedorazglyadela advance.
For some reason it is considered that any reaction except for immediate and fierce aggression aimed at the victim ( why you suffer ? chase it immediately), Will be the promotion of her life with the abuser. Literally pushing her to do so.
Although usually in practice exactly the opposite giving the victim a place where it can catch your breath and come to life giving the experience of relations without violence and coercion you give her strength. Give understanding that is different. What it can ( and should) Be treated differently. And then she will and strength and motivation for to fight and so to get away.
Actually I’ve done it many times and I understand how hard how unbearable support and respect the human there where you want to grab by the shoulders and shake, Yes what one thinks you ? Run immediately But strangely enough the policy of respect support and understanding is much more likely to lead us to the result for which we hope. A person usually starts to resist any pressure even the fact that he was good. Protects as it may their borders. Especially the man whose borders physical and emotional is infinitely break. It is easier to fight somebody less scary than beating her husband. For example the oppressive and demanding a divorce from her husband girlfriend.
The most terrible and hard to help victims of violence this is that the result does not depend on us it is unpredictable. We can do everything right but it will still be released from the hospital and return to him. And we damn thing we can do. Is that a bite all the elbows and lips in frustration and rage.
However any psychological help someone wounded it’s hard dirty unpleasant always need to be ready that either will not work or will but you will be forgotten along with the painful history. Brother for it is only then when you’re ready itself to all these consequences. If you have a large reserve of strength nerves acceptance and love for humanity ( or to a specific person), and if you’re willing to give them a reason. Without the hope of reciprocity and guarantee of success.
And this is how in passing top condescending I would not allow myself to so better not. They and so bad it is not necessary to finish.