What is empathy and how to develop?
Sometimes you have to someone with all my heart in response to his revelation telling stories from personal experience and plentifully seasoned with their advice how to live properly. And he, ungrateful only sighs heavily. And then for all the good things he said Thank you but you do not understand me. And it goes to complain to someone else. Why?
Most likely the source was waiting on you empathy empathy of his emotional state and you slipped him sympathy. These reactions are the same only at first glance. Their difference in the listening position. In the case of sympathy we are a bystander who from the height of his own well being looks at other people’s misfortunes and graciously handing phrases dummy style I believe in you, You can do it, Hold on.
Empathy also helps to look at the situation through the eyes of another and understand that he is experiencing at the moment. Instead of universal words you picks up the formula for excitement or admiration that fit a particular individual. And consciously switch off prejudice and not criticize even if the motives of his behavior do not close. It is psychologically costly process but thanks to him that who spoke to thee can at least briefly relieved. For example what to write in response to a friend I have stolen iPhone. And it’s not even that it took him two salaries. There were also photos of all travel, Bear in mind Instructions! How to write a statement to the police and a broken record with the song All will be well this sympathy which is sometimes worse than the ice of silence. Empathy is something like this Poor thing! For you it is so important!
The new panacea
Empathy has become a fashionable concept in the beginning of the XXI century and it happened by chance. There are several reasons why it must be equipped with one. Firstly it is important to love and friendship. Admit it the ability to guess what gift will delight friend of and that will make an impression on the man nobody has stopped. The ability to predict the response to your speech allows careful maneuvering between acute topics and less to quarrel with relatives because of politics.
Second do not do in the workplace without this quality. With it, doctors treat patients more effectively,
the police will disclose the offense the teacher achieve the best performance because the
students trust them. Psychologist Daniel Goleman in the article What makes a leader? For the Harvard Business Review wrote about the benefits of empathy for managers build team work easier if the manager knows his subordinates with different backgrounds. Moreover it teaches us to think about the consequences. Aware the pain can cause a couple of phrases carelessly abandoned you can hardly utter them.
According to the professor of the University of Chad Pozika Georgia Southern empathy does not tend to commit crimes and do not vote for the death penalty. They are also likely to use natural resources sparingly because they are alive in any circumstances have to live their great great great grandchildren if we do not think about the environment. Another interesting effect of empathy it acts calming. A group of researchers from the University of Leeds, under the direction of Nicholas Stanger concluded empathy a tool in the struggle against aggression. You are not going to put pressure on the horn when the driver ahead clumsily unfolding and will not be rude to the neighbors in the queue because you know the status of all participants in the situation. And do not consider it necessary to throw firewood in domestic conflicts. In other words empathy does not so much disagree with each or try to please everyone many take into account the feelings and views of others when they express opinions and make decisions.
How to deal with those who apparently unaware of their existence? Where are all these people who, after your monologue on the reduction of wages is said And now I incidentally manicures done? Sometimes a person suppresses empathic signal intentionally for example if he is caring for a sick relative living in a war zone or working in the fields are not compatible with susceptibility to someone’s difficulties proved that are less sensitive to human suffering military often miss the mark . There are those who are fascinated by the idea of personal success and independence from others. From its own sink bowels it seems that the troubles and difficulties created only for losers. And sometimes the ability to empathize with the disconnected because of a mental disorder. Or simply because as a child of the child does not learn to use empathy. What to do if you’re lucky to be with the frame in the same bed or office? Vita Kholmogorova, PhD in Psychology and trainer workshop Point of support, explains When dealing with such people is important to remember that their behavior does not mean neglecting you and your needs. Simply, they can not really evaluate the event with another position. Talking with them is better to build with the help of the language of logic facts and rational explanations. Svetlana Boyarinova family psychologist advises firstly try to understand why a person does that, Perhaps in the past, he was faced with severe pain after which froze his ability to read emotions so as not to suffer more and others This. makes it possible not to bring excessive demands and not wait for another order he can not give you. Second it is to talk about your feelings and ask leading questions Have you ever been shaking with anger? Here I have now because of the fact that * * * Let the other person to start to find in the archives of my memory suitable sensation so it will be easier for you to understand.
Treat yourself to those who did not know how to pick up signals about the emotions of people near and far? Or even sincerely expressing grief to someone you do not know how to express support? We have good news for you You can learn to empathic dialogue to start at least imitating his manifestation.
These as the * * *
* * * presence in the present. Often we hear on autopilot just by inserting Yeah, He what?, What are you? In order to create the appearance of interest. Until someone close pours soul our consciousness furrowing Megamall slips or similar stories from their past. Empathy cleared of impurities of selfishness so all the attention is focused on how with whom we are talking.
* * * Mirroring and paraphrasing. Psychology professor Nicole MacDonald and Daniel Messinger argue that a productive dialogue easier if you imitate other people’s gestures and in response to repeat
all she had learned in their own words. The next time when the boyfriend will complain about inadequate
Chief tune in on his wave so.
* * * Questions. Instead of psychoanalysis to show skills and disassemble on the shelves of the difficulties one in front of you ask directly about his condition. If a friend is upset after an argument with her mother your arguments about its dependence on parents will be signed by the recognition of their own spiritual deafness. The question What do you feel? Fit for the start of the discussion and sad and joyful events.
* * * The realization that the interlocutor emotions have value. There is a rule if a person is excited about something then it is important to him. Formula Nothing terrible has happened, It’s all the little things, You’re exaggerating, can be reserved for yourself on a rainy day and see the inner world will rebel against such sedatives. By the way the same intolerance reaction usually occurs in response to the home grown philosophy so to suppress the urge to quote the popular Osho and other thinkers.
* * * Refusal to give advice. Yes other people want to cloud as soon as you can shrug that they do not cast a shadow on us. In the course are numerous recommendations. Lost card? Call the bank. I tortured constantly toppling off colds? Popey vitamins. If your not close clinical degree of infantilism essentials measures he has already taken and unsolicited recommendations only hurt him.
* * * The intention to avoid disputes. Pulls to insist on its position to persuade to prove something? Keep in mind this time you refuse from mutual understanding.
The next step to develop the empathy not just to show him the outward signs.
Everyone can train yourself well to feel the others but not to sink into their emotions. The latter is important because empathy it is not identification with the other senses and their awareness. Vita Kholmogorova offers you to start listening to their favorite. Pronounces mentally that for whatever reason you feel. As soon as you will understand in his mental organization begin to take an interest in others. Often asked questions What is now feeling this man? How will he do next? To look deeper trying to guess the motivation of someone’s actions. A psychologist Anna Gurevich advises refrain from criticism or categorical denial of someone’s views and try not to put himself above those who do you think is not smart well read, or successful.